International Adventures avec Sameer: A Journey to New Jersey

In my first edition of International Adventures avec Sameer, I shall take you to the famous state of New Jersey!

Now you may be asking why I would start off my international adventures with a trip to New Jersey, rather than say, a trip to France, Africa, or Cambodia or something (y'know, somewhere cool).

Well I have this to say to you: There are many great things about New Jersey, such as:

... fine. There is nothing great about New Jersey.

It's kinda like an extended suburb, with horribly confusing roads, and people with hair like this:

... or something similar to it.

Of course that statement is a gross overgeneralization of the population of New Jersey and exploiting stereotypes about the state -but hey, what the hell did you expect from me?

But the roads were hella (hella? ).....very confusing. (That's better).

Shit, even the great tourist attraction that is Atlantic City, is a seedy, scary place. I was expecting good things about the boardwalk when I visited it a couple years ago, seeing as it was the most expensive property in Monopoly, but no: it was also a seedy, scary place.

Anyways, getting back on topic here, I was willing to give the "Garden State" one more chance this year when my family and I travelled down to Parsippany, New Jersey to go to the wedding of a close family friend.

The trip was an 8 hour long drive by my dad, with me relinquishing my traditional navigators role to my aunt, so I could sit in the back and read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (instead of being yelled at by my dad for making us miss an exit).

Crossing the border was painless and free of the "random check" that stuck my family in a customs office with another Indian family, and a group of Hispanic people last year on a trip to Chicago.

(Really, it's the Arabs that you're looking for! If you're going to racially profile people, do it right.)

Anyways from there we made a stop in East Amherst, New York, which is a suburb of Buffalo.

There really is no good reason to do this of course. Except for....Cracker Barrel!...which is a pretty shitty reason in itself.

The "Cracker Barrel Old Country Store", is an American restaurant chain that serves pretty a good all day breakfast, old lady merchandise, and a good helping of racism.

We always stop by there everytime we're in the states for some reason, and I usually never feel comfortable there. The store has a sign professing that they're not racist on the front door, which isn't really reassuring. I mean, any establishment that feels like it has to do that, well, they must not have a good history.

And they don't: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cracker_Barrel

Anyways the food was decent, and we weren't discriminated against. So we moved on from there, delving deeper into the mysterious land that is the United States, straight to New Jersey.

The ride was uneventful for a while. My sister and I resorted to playing games. Such as counting how many times my Dad did or said something that made us think he was gay (which we think he just might be). An example would be the time he professed his love of the divas of music with my sister on the drive down.

By the end of the trip we got to 14.

Anyways it was a pretty boring drive until we got to the highlight of the trip at that point: A Drive through Scranton, Pennsylvania!

Cue the theme from "The Office"

Why was it so exciting?

Because Scranton is the setting for one of my sister's and one of my favourite shows, The Office.

Frankly, I don't know why we were so excited, all we could see was a large waste management plant and few other buildings.

And as soon as it started, it was over. But at least I could say I was in the same city as Jim, Pam, Dwight and the others, for about two minutes.

And from there it was about two to three hours until we made it to our destination, Parisppany, New Jersey!

Where is Parsippany you ask?

Well I don't know. It's on this highway, stuck between two other suburbs. Hell it doesn't even have a Starbucks.

We stayed at the "Courtyard By Marriott", which I'd reccommend for their free hot chocolate and unsupervised pool.

The room itself was nice, and if there's one thing that's good about lazy cleaning staff, it's free stuff that's left behind by other people.

See this soccer ball, kid who left it behind? It's mine now. Don't try and get it back. It. Is. Mine.

Finders Keepers, bitch.

Anyways the first night went by quickly, and then it was wedding time!

The wedding was outside, and it was hot, so a lot of people didn't really watch and went inside the Banquet Hall.

Which is where we first met Professor von Amazing a.k.a. the Turbinator.

He was a tall Punjabi guy who was in charge of the hall. And boy was he in charge.

His micromanagement style was pretty entertaining to watch. Much moreso than the wedding. Watching him stoop over tables, berate the sno-cone guy (yea there was a snocone guy), and wipe a smudge off a pot made our lives worth living.

Which is a vast understatement.

The reception was pretty good as well, with a kickass dessert table. The real fun part about it was watching a bunch of old conservative Indian men and women try to dance to songs like "Gasolina" and "Hips Don't Lie".

Awkward? Hell yea. Hilarious? Yes.

Anyways after the reception, we all went to the unofficial after party location: the Hilton in Parsippany.

After entering the hotel we (my sister, a friend, and I) spotted this:

Another Indian wedding reception!

We were dressed correctly, which meant one thing...we were going to crash it!

And crash it we did.

We were on the bride's side.

The DJ was good, but the desserts were not as good as those at the wedding we went to....by which I mean the wedding we were invited to.

We left after a bit, and were offered the gifts they sent the guests away with.

The next day we began our long trip home.

I was waiting for this day because the reason I really went on the trip was coming up. A trip to my favourite Mexican restaurant Don Pablo's which is back in East Amherst, that suburb of Buffalo.

I was so excited, I didn't eat.

Anyways, we got to the location annnnddddd.....

It was a fucking Chili's now.

One of the big reasons I went, the thing I had been craving and waiting for...was a goddamn Chili's now.

We tooled around East Amherst and found another Mexican restaurant, which thankfully, offered deliciousness.

The trip then moved across the road to the Top's Friendly Markets, a local grocery store.

Now you see, America is different, scary place. We passed in front of a church in New Jersey with a fucking wooden missle made by kids in front of it that had : "Kids-Son Power" on it. One of the more fucked up things we saw on the trip.

But not all the differences are weird and scary. The grocery store in the states is a haven of magical foods you can't get back up in Canada. I went in to get a box of the elusive cereal Cookie Crisp which is not available up here.

I was planning to get only that, but then I saw:

Where the fuck are his fangs? You can't suck blood with buck teeth.

Frankly I had never seen another cereal box like it. It's almost one of a kind. I just loved the...sepia toned glamour shot (?) of Count Chocula.

Look at him. Staring, laughing, blood lust-ing at you.

I'm not going to lie, the box and his visage entranced me. You can't beat it. So I had to have it. It was so fucking weird, but awesome.

Not to mention the cereal itself, a Chocolately Cereal with "Spookyfun" Marshmallows.

Spookyfun? More like fucking delicious.

Now I don't know what spookyfun means when related to food, but I'm just glad I had the chance to own this box. And eat the cereal too.

And that my friends, was the highlight of my trip.

Another two hours and we were back in Markham. I had a stomach full of Mexican food, and my two precious (if I see you near them, I will hurt you) boxes of cereal.

All in all it was a good trip, there was food, family, and another wedding to crash.

But most of all I have my precious Cookie Crisp, and my seductive Count Chocula box.

And that brings to a close, my first International Adventure.