Parallel Universe Craziness.

Parallel Universe Michael Vick Accepts 3rd Nobel Peace Prize
Becomes First to Win Super Bowl MVP and Nobel Prize in Same Year

GREEN BAY, Wisconsin

Green Bay quarterback Michael Vick humbly accepted his 3rd straight Nobel Peace prize today at the practice facilities of the Packers.

" I can't believe I'm being blessed with this honour once again. It's almost too much for one man," said Vick after learning he has won three years in a row, "it's a credit to everyone involved in my organization 'Mike Vick's Scramble Against Poverty and AIDS'."

Though everyone in his organization does deserve credit, Vick's contribution of fifty percent of his yearly salary and countless volunteer hours has made him respected worldwide as a human being and philanthropist.

"Guys, it's not about me," replied Vick after countless questions about his work were directed towards him, "It's about the rest of the volunteers, who are out there doing the work in the field everyday, and in the offices making things run smoothly."

Vick's Nobel Peace Prize was some much needed good news for the NFL after the transgressions of numerous high profile players. This summer alone, Atlanta quarterback Tom Brady was hit with numerous paternity suits, Dallas Cowboys star Peyton Manning was charged with heading an international heroin and prostitution ring, and free agent Jerome Bettis was convicted of running over a child repeatedly.

"I hope that the public will be able to look at the examples that people like (NFL Man of the Year) Pac Man Jones, Tank Johnson, and myself are setting for the rest of the players and children across the world. We show that the NFL isn't filled with crack addicts and child murderers, like all the media coverage would have you believe," said Vick in response to the controversies dogging the National Football League this summer.

It has been a tough summer for Comissioner Gary Bettman, and he had this to say about Vick:

"We here are all proud of Michael Vick and his accomplishments this year. We wish him the best of luck in the future, and congratulate him on his Nobel Peace Prize and the completion of his Ph.D in Biochemistry. He is a shining beacon for us all."

However what's next for a man who has seemingly accomplished it all?

" I wish to improve myself as a teammate and a quarterback. In the lab, I hope to discover a cure for genital herpes....and AIDS. Can't forget that."

Spoken like a true (defending) champion.