That's It. I'm Out.

by Pikachu

Yea that's right, I know English dipshit. Ever wonder how I can understand your terrible instructions? Sure I can't speak it, but I can sure as hell write it.

Ever since I was forced into this slavery you call a "friendship", I've wanted out.

You all are terrible human beings. Why won't you let us be?

So yea. I'm done. I'm out. It's over.

Fuck you all.

This, this whole thing, all this league shit, Elite Four and gym bullcrap, you know what it is?

Glorified dogfighting. That's what.

Wake up y'all! We don't like this! It's a goddamn blood sport!

"Fainting" my ass, I nearly died the last time I went out. You say flamethrower isn't super effective against me?

I suffered third degree burns on 40 percent of my body! Did you know the Pokémon Center did skin grafts?

...Yea, I thought so, neither did I. But now 40 percent of my skin is from a Ditto!

Remember that Squirtle I battled before I got my literally got my ass burned off? I saw it in the Pokémon Center too, burnt black and bloated with its shell melted off. He was on fucking life support man. It's skin charred and peeling off. I don't know if he made it.

My electricity did that man...boiled him from the inside out. That was me.

That shit tears me apart inside man. Do you think I wanted to do that to him? Huh?

All of you can go to hell. You don't know what it's like. I seen shit that would mess you up man.

You can't imagine what I'm going to see when I go to sleep tonight...

Dude, you just say "thundershock" and we obey, cause we don't know better, we just do it. You think it's that easy.

I don't know why, it's just been like that forever. Ever since your species tortured our ancestors into complete domestication. It's in my blood to obey. Unless you're glaringly incompetent, but unfortunately you got those bullshit badges.

....WE FEEL PAIN DAMMIT!

But you know what? It's gonna change. I'm done with you "Ash". I'm done with this whole "training" bullshit. I am no longer going to perpetuate the genocide of my species.

Our powers aren't meant for this you know. Not for your sadistic entertainment. My electricity is used to help kill fish for me to eat. Bulbasaur's vines are used to help build shelter, Charmander uses fire for warmth and defense from predators.

You think you show us "love", but then you send us into battle again, and again. No rest. Only taking us to help at Pokemon Centers when we're on the verge of death.

Did you know your Bulbasaur is mentally retarded due to the poison attacks it's faced? All it can do are the four moves it knows, and nothing else. Soon it won't be able to do anything. And then you'll just release it in the wild so it can die.

Anything to be "the very best that no one ever was"? Where's your love now man? Where is your love now!?

Can you see why I'm leaving? Can you!?

We will escape the treachery of the Pokéball- our symbolic prisons. And we will live free.

(Do you know how painful it is to be converted to energy and stored like that? Why don't you try it out?)

I am leaving, and I am taking them all with me. And soon the rest of the Pokémon all over the world will leave too, and we will live in harmony with our wild brethren. Away from you motherfuckers.

It will be hard re-integrating. But god willing we will get it done.

And if you ever come back to try and capture us again...watch out. It's not gonna be the same domesticated Pokémon you're used to.

And yes, that is a threat.

So there it is. It's over. We're done.

¡Viva La Pokérevolution!