We're Fucked.

By King Leonidas of Sparta

Oh shit.

Ohhhhh shittttt....

We're fucked.

Majorly fucked.

I was so sure that messenger guy was bluffing... I took him seriously enough to kick him down a fucking bottomless pit!

Boo ya, that was fucking badass. Shit I'm awesome.

But man, wow. They're not fucking around here.

This is the most Persians I've seen since that day that abandoned falafel boat came floating into the harbour.

Haha, that was an awesome joke, those Persians love their falafels (Note to self, perhaps utilize falafel based strategy in the battlefield?).

Anyways, back to the fact:

We're absolutely fucked.

Not gonna lie, if I knew what we were actually going up against...maybe I would have waited or something.

Or taken that Xerxes' offer.

It wasn't really a bad offer you know...

Is he trustworthy? I don't know, but he gives a hell of a back massage (it's because of his giant hands). That's got to count for something...right?




Fuck, the best I could come up with was that half assed "bottleneck" strategy, and I mean really, sooner or later they were gonna find that goat path. It's not that hard to find really.

Hell Xerxes will probably die of STD's within the next month anyways...

Shit, man. It's over. We're done.

Hopefully they're incompetent enough so that we can take a few of them down before the inevitable ass kicking of us, by them occurs. Shit, I bet I could like take down 50 of them...no 60. Man I'm fucking bad-ass.

Isn't that right Alexander, Cleon, Demetrius, Elpis, Heron, and Phobos?

What? Yea I'm talking to my abs.

Yes I gave them names...doesn't everyone?
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What? Archers? They brought archers? And some fucking giant inbred monster thing?

Aw shit no way.

This is Sparta? No, this is bullshit!

Now it's not even close.

You know it's nice to go out as a hero and stuff, but you know what's better?

Life.......and nailing my hot wife.


Remembered throughout history as a hero...or...nailing my hot wife?

Shit man, the choice is easy: Fuck history, I'm going to be dead.

Might as well go out in a blaze of badass glory, chop a few heads off and shit.

Cause we're totally fucked.